Shenanigans
by Cougar'sCatnip
Summary: Jensen is giddy, Cougar is disgusted, Roque is murderous, Pooch is horrified, Clay is resigned, and Jolene rules the roost.


A/N: Merry Christmas ya'll. FRG ~ Family Readiness Group.

Shenanigans

by CC

"Antlers!"

Pooch jumped and swore as his head slammed into the hood of the car he had been working on. He climbed out from under the hood with a fierce scowl. "What the fuck, Jay?" He rubbed his head and stared at his demented teammate who was bouncing around the garage like he was ODing on Christmas cheer and eggnog.

Pooch cringed at the sight of Jensen's tee shirt, which was even more of a monstrosity than normal. In honor of the season it had a graphic of Santa and his reindeer dancing around a Christmas tree. Miniature lights blinked on and off and the merry strains of Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer rang out of the tiny speaker set in Rudolph's nose. On his blond head he had a green elf hat with a big fat jingle bell sewn onto the point. It rang every time he turned his head or bounced up and down and in his excitement he was doing just that... a lot.

"Antlers, Pooch! We need antlers!"

Pooch sighed in exasperation. Sometimes he seriously wondered how Jensen ever got past basic, never mind making it through spec ops training. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that patience was vital when dealing with the hacker. "Bro. Why do you need antlers?"

Jensen stopped bouncing long enough to give him a long-suffering look of 'Duh, this should so be self explanatory.' "For the van of course."

If anything Pooch was now even more confused. "Jensen," he asked slowly. "What the hell are you talking about? Why would you need antlers for the van?"

Jensen shot him a look of deep and profound pity as though he thought Pooch had to be the slowest man on the planet. "Because Santa's reindeer have antlers. Come on Pooch, what rock have you been hiding under? Even a three year old knows that."

"Jensen, start making sense or I will hurt you! What the hell does one have to do with the other?"

"Clay is Santa this year. For the brigade party... remember? So he has to show up in the suit and since we don't have reindeer..." he trailed off with a grin letting Pooch make the leap in logic.

"Oh... yeah. I did forget. Shit..." Pooch paused as he thought about how he could go about putting antlers on the van. "I suppose I could rig something up."

"Cool. You get right on that and I will make sure your costume is ready." With that Jensen bounced out the door.

"Wait! Jensen! Costume? What costume?" Pooch hollered.

Jensen poked his head back through the door with a wicked grin. "Oh, didn't Clay tell you? The rest of us are his elves!" He snickered at the horrified look on Pooch's face and disappeared again singing some twisted version of a Christmas carol.

Pooch dropped onto his toolbox and sent a heartfelt prayer to the heavens for a mission to some God forsaken corner of the globe. Facing overwhelming odds and certain death being infinitely preferable to appearing...in public... in a, he shuddered, elf costume.

L*L*L*L*L*L*L*

"No! You can't make me Clay!" Roque snarled. He gave his CO his best glare as he crossed his arms defiantly across his broad chest

Clay smirked and raised an eyebrow. "Yes, Captain, I can. You will go, and you will wear the costume."

"No. There is nothing you can do to me that is worse than having to wear that...thing." Roque pointed to the costume hanging on a hook on the back of the door.

If anything Clay's wicked grin got wider. "Oh, I have no intention of doing anything, Roque. I will simply let _you_ explain to Jolene why you are letting all those kids down."

Roque blanched, much to Clay's delight. He backed up and sank down in the chair with a resigned scowl. "I hate you."

The tiny tree set on Clay's desk was mocking him, the tiny LED lights twinkling in time with the soft strains of a carol. Roque made a note to stab Jensen the next time he saw him. Damn kid was skipping around everywhere spewing Christmas decorations like some deranged elf. He turned his attention back to the Colonel.

"This is so not fair. Why couldn't she just hire a Santa to come?" His eyes pleaded with Clay for some reprieve.

Clay laughed. "Have you seen the FRG's budget? They don't have money to do that. Hell, with half the unit deployed at any one time, they are doing good to have a party for the kids at all. So just suck it up soldier and drive on. Now go put on the fucking costume."

Roque grumbled under his breath as he stood and took the outfit off the hook. He held it at arms length to avoid possible contamination.

Clay waited until he was almost out the door. "Oh, and Roque... don't forget this." He tossed Roque the nose and laughed evilly as his 2IC caught it with a pained look.

L*L*L*L*L*L*L*

Cougar frowned as he stomped into the main room. He plucked fretfully at the tights and the short shirt and wished with all his heart for a hole to open up in the floor and just swallow him! His ears itched from the prosthetic elf ears, his pointy toed shoes jingled with every step and the stupid hat just felt... wrong. For one thing there was no brim to hide his eyes behind and for another, it too jingled with every movement. When Jensen bounced around the corner with a cheerful grin Cougar had to fight the urge to punch him in the mouth. The only thing keeping him from pummeling his loco amante into an elf shaped puddle of goo, was the look of deep and profound sadness he just knew Jake would give him.

Jensen stopped when he saw Cougar standing there, shifting awkwardly back and forth with an adorable pout on his face. "What's wrong?"

Cougar shot him a look of pure unadulterated disgust and gestured to his outfit.

"What? You look great, Cougs." He leered at the tights and crowded into the sniper's space. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed Cougar on the nose while he pinched his ass and then danced away with a laugh.

L*L*L*L*L*L*

Jolene walked out of the bedroom into the living room. "Baby, can you zip me up?" She paused at the sight of her husband standing there looking at his costume with a look of dismay. "Lin! Why aren't you dressed yet?"

Pooch turned a pleading look on the love of his life, the woman of his dreams, the person who... his thought came to a screeching halt like the train in Polar Express as he took in the half clothed form of his lovely wife. She was standing there looking like every boy on the naughty list's wet dream, red Mrs. Claus skirt swirling around her long lovely legs and the red velvet skimming across her narrow waist and full breasts, her long black hair curled against the white fur. At that moment all he could think about was getting her in their room and taking that dress off with his teeth.

Jolene's eyes narrowed. She knew exactly what that look in Pooch's eyes meant. "Linwood," she said sweetly, her voice taking on a slow sultry cadence, like honey slowly dripping down a stack of pancakes, the same tone that women have used from time immemorial to get their men to shape up. "Baby, come zip me up and then get into your costume. You don't want to make me late, now do you?" She stepped over and turned her back, shooting him a look from under long sooty lashes. A look that promised him, she would be in the top slot of the naughty list, _if _he put on the damned costume and pranced around the party for the kids. If not... well he didn't want to contemplate what Jolene would do to him if he tried to weasel out of this stupid party.

L*L*L*L*L*

Clay shook his head when Pooch and Jolene pulled up in the van. On the front grill there was a blinking red nose and the headlights now sported long lashes and a dot in the middle for a pupil. And perched above the drivers and the passengers front doors were a pair of antlers. Jensen chuckled in glee and dashed out to circle the vehicle. He shouted happily at the sight of a tail trailing out the back door. Roque's scowl only deepened and Cougar gave a long-suffering sigh and rolled his eyes. Pooch met Clay's eyes and shrugged helplessly with a slightly sheepish smile. He glanced over to where Jolene was chatting with Jake, who was practically vibrating with excitement, and shot her a goofy grin. She smiled back and gestured for the rest of the team to get their asses in the van... right the fuck now.

L*L*L*L*L*

The Losers stood behind the stage curtain in a cluster of collective misery with one notable exception. Jensen was still bouncing and humming along with the Christmas music that was piped in on the PA system. He had a big grin on his face and his eyes sparkled with barely contained giddiness as he peeked past the curtain and surveyed the swirling morass of military personnel and families that filled the large hall. On the stage was a large throne surrounded by a stack of presents that had been collected for the children. A Christmas tree stood in the corner, its lights cheerfully blinking and the ornaments softly gleaming in the light. In front of that was a microphone.

The brigade commander was standing on the stage with Jolene going over the schedule of events now that everyone had finished eating the Christmas dinner prepared by the unit cooks. The kids were dashing around like little lunatics playing some game and Jake really wished he dared to join them. Every now and then he could see his niece Beth, her blonde ponytail bouncing against the back of her velvet dress.

He knew very well how annoyed his teammates were by his enthusiasm but this was the first Christmas he had been able to spend with his sister and niece in far too long. It was also his and Cougar's first Christmas as a couple, and he just could not contain his joy. He leaned out a little further trying to spot Jackie, only to be hauled back behind the curtain by his collar.

"Jensen, if you don't settle the fuck down right now I am gonna stab you. And stop humming!" Roque growled.

Jake might have been worried, except it was really hard to take Roque seriously when he had a blinking red nose and antlers perched on his head. Besides, Cougar would save him. He grinned cheekily at the Captain. "Aww, what's wrong Roque-dolph? Got yer antlers in a twist?" He laughed at his own joke and then backpedaled with a squeak of alarm at the huge knife that appeared in Roque's hand and the look of decided irritation in his dark, glittering eyes. Jensen bumped into Cougar, who glared over his shoulder at Roque. Pooch rolled his eyes and Clay growled at them all.

"Knock it off all of you. Roque put that knife away and Jensen be quiet."

Roque turned to Clay. "Come on Clay, he's an annoying little shit. Let me kill him."

Clay shook his head. "Later. Right now we need him."

Roque subsided, leaned up against the wall with a pout and muttered under his breath.

All five men straightened when Jolene poked her head through the curtain and leveled a glare at them. "Need I remind you gentlemen, that this is for the children?" She nodded when all of them shook their heads frantically. "Good. Now, do not make me come back here again. Clay, you are on in ten minutes. I trust you can keep these yahoos under control. Oh and Roque, hand over the knife!" She narrowed her eyes and tapped her foot until Roque complied, then she slipped it into her purse and snapped it shut decisively. "You will get this back later." She smiled sweetly when Clay nodded and then disappeared back out front.

Jensen wiped his forehead and looked over at Pooch. "Dude, that is one seriously scary lady."

Pooch snorted. "Jake, you have no idea."

L*L*L*L*L*

Jolene watched from the sidelines as Clay leaned over to talk to another child. He chuckled at whatever the little boy was saying and then turned to take the gift Roque handed him. He passed it to the boy and patted him on the shoulder. Then looked up ready for the next child. Pooch ushered up a little girl and smiled at Jolene as she sidled up behind him.

"Where are they?" Jolene hissed to her husband.

Pooch shrugged. "How should I know? They were here a couple minutes ago." He looked around surreptitiously, but there was no sign of his missing teammates.

Jolene frowned. "I'll find them. In the mean time you guys keep handing out the presents." She inched her way back to the curtain and slipped through to begin her search of the two AWOL elves.

She stopped when she got back stage and listened to see if she could locate them. Sure enough there was furtive whispering and a faint jingling, but it sounded like it was coming from the roof. She looked up and spotted two figures in the heavens bent over a box of something. "You two! Stop what you are doing right now and get down here!" she whispered harshly.

Jensen jumped and whirled around with a barely suppressed (manly) shriek of surprise. He looked down over the rail at the fuming Jolene. "Um, we aren't doing anything!" he whispered back, guilt written all over his face.

"Uh huh! So you mind telling me why you are up there instead of out front helping with the children? I thought you wanted to do this Jake. You said you did!" She tapped her foot in annoyance and scowled up at the two miscreants.

Cougar held his hands out radiating innocence, totally throwing his lover under the bus without so much as a blush of shame. He headed for the ladder, shrugging as Jensen gave him a look that said 'Et tu, Brute?' He scrambled down and smiled at Jolene sheepishly.

Jensen followed more slowly, shoulders slumped and a look of profound disappointment in his blue eyes. He looked down at the ground refusing to meet her eyes. "I did, I do want to help. I just... well..."

"Spit it out Jake, what where you doing up there?" She hissed.

"Um... nothing. OW! Ouch, Jolene!" He yelped as she grabbed him by the ear. "Fine, fine! We... we were just gonna make it snow!"

"Snow? What the hell do you mean you were going to make it snow?" Jolene stared at him in horror.

"Well... not real snow, you know. It's fake snow. We found it in the props room. And well... it is Christmas and all the kids want snow. So I thought, ya know... we could give them some." His voice trailed off uncertainly. He winced as she moved a little closer and leaned in, her gaze fierce.

"Jensen, you and Cougar get your asses back on that stage and stay out of trouble or you will get absolutely no cookies for the next year. Are we clear?"

Jacob Andrew Jensen, six feet of solid, ripped muscle, the man who hacked the Pentagon for fun, the bane of every CO and training instructor he had ever had, fearless in the face of terrorists, and all the horrors of war caved like a sissy girl at the threat. "Yes, ma'am," he said sadly.

Cougar nodded quickly, grabbed Jake's hand and the two lost no time slipping back on the stage to help out.

Pooch shot them a look of smug amusement as they appeared. He had no doubt that Jolene would tell him all about whatever it was they had been up too later that night. She was as amused at their shenanigans as he was... not that she would ever admit that to them.

L*L*L*L*L*L*L*

Roque froze in place as something wrapped itself around one leg. He looked down and there was a tiny little girl gazing up at him adoringly. He recognized Sergeant Anderson's youngest and relaxed, even though he wasn't sure why she was clinging to his leg like a limpet.. Her blonde hair was caught up in ringlets and her big blue eyes gazed at him trustingly. She smiled a gap toothed smile and whispered something. He knelt down to better hear her. "What was that, honey?" he asked.

"You're my favorite," she said shyly. "Momma says it's gonna snow for Christmas. But that I shouldn't worry cause you're gonna show Santa the way. You can do that right? You know the way to my house?"

Roque nodded gravely at the little one. "Yeah, honey, I do. The Army taught me how to find my way anywhere we need to be. Don't you worry about that. Now have you been a good girl? Helped your momma while your daddy was gone?"

She nodded vigorously, her curls bouncing in her excitement. "Yes, I have. Momma says I'm a good helper."

"That's good. Then you've got nothing to worry about at all, do ya?" He froze again as she threw herself into his arms and hugged his neck. A slow smile crept over his scared face and he gently hugged her back. There was a sudden flash and he looked up at his grinning teammates. Jensen was lowering the camera and Roque glared up at him. "Jensen..." he rumbled threateningly.

"Uh uh, Rudolph." Jake pointed meaningfully at the child in the captain's arms.

Roque looked down and smiled sheepishly at the little girl. "Sorry, honey."

She smiled back and hugged him tighter. "That's ok." She leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "Sometimes my brother is a PITA too, but Daddy says you just have to ignore him and he will go away." She giggled and pressed a damp kiss on his cheek.

He chuckled. "A PITA, huh?"

She nodded. "Yahuh, that's what Daddy calls him when he's being naughty." Suddenly she looked very worried. "You don't think he is on the naughty list do you? I don't want him to be. He has tried really hard this year. Just... sometimes he can't help it," she confided. "Can you maybe ask Santa for me?"

"Sure, honey." He stood up and took her by the hand and led her over to where Clay was chatting with the brigade commander. They waited patiently until the two men finished and Clay turned to him quizzically. "Santa, this young lady is concerned that her brother might be on the naughty list."

Clay smiled and knelt down. "Hello. What is your brother's name?"

Her blue eyes got wide. "Justin Anderson."

Clay nodded. "Well, Miss Anderson, let's check the list shall we?" He stood up and looked over at the rest of the team who had followed along, curious as to how all this would play out. "Elf Jensen. Do you have your laptop?"

"Yes sir, Santa." Jensen said standing at attention. "I'll be right back." He dashed out of the room, the bells on his shoes and hat ringing madly. A few minutes later he came back with his laptop bag bouncing on his back. He sank down on the stage floor and opened up his computer. He quickly powered it up and called up a spread sheet." Let's see, now. The naughty list... Anders, Andrews. Ahh here we are, Anderson... Well, sir there is a Jason Anderson and a Jeremiah Anderson, but nope, no Justin." He looked up and smiled, his blue eyes twinkling merrily. "Would you like to see?" He asked the girl. His smile grew broader as she nodded, eyes wide at the thought of actually seeing the famous list.

She came and peered down at his computer and blinked as she saw the long list of names. "Wow, there sure are a lot of naughty kids." She frowned.

"Not as many as are on the nice list," he assured her.

She looked up as a woman came to the edge of the stage and called her. "Momma! It's ok. Justin isn't on the naughty list! Come see!"

Cougar held his hand out to help her up the stairs and smiled as she accepted his assistance. She smiled back, came over and looked obediently as her daughter excitedly told her all about her adventure with Rudolph and Santa and Elf Jensen. Mrs. Anderson laughed, thanked the team and led her ecstatic daughter away still chattering.

As the pair disappeared out the door Jensen leaned over and whispered to Cougar. "I think Roque's heart just grew three sizes today."

Roque shot Jensen a look that told him the captain hadn't forgotten the picture, and Jake took off in a flurry of bells and snickers with Roque-dolph in hot pursuit.

L*L*L*L*L*

Clean up done and ready to close up the hall for the night Jolene made one final sweep to make sure there was nothing left undone. She rounded the corner and stopped short when she noticed Jensen and Cougar standing close together. Cougar was saying something to his partner and then he leaned in close and directed Jake's attention to the ceiling above them where a tiny sprig of mistletoe was hanging. She heard Jensen's low chuckle and Cougar smirked as he took Jake's face in his hands and brushed a kiss across his smiling lips. She stepped back into the shadows and smiled at the sight. For all the mischief Jensen led Cougar into, he had a big heart and she was glad to see them so happy together. The two broke apart and Cougar reached up and took the bundle down and said something else to Jensen who broke into a delighted laugh, then they waltzed out the door together. Jolene shook her head wondering what shenanigans they would get into this time. Knowing them, it would be something that would promptly land them on the naughty list. She giggled and reminded herself to give Pooch a head's up so he could watch over them and make sure they didn't get into too much trouble.

The end... for now.


End file.
